me being woman supporting another woman.

/ Juni 06, 2018 /
never in million years i'd thought i would write about a dangdut singer here, in my blog. sebelum kita petik konklusi dari kalimat sebelumnya, here: it wasn't because i hate dangdut, nor i think it was countrified, or that i was too cool for listening too dangdut. we are all have difference preferences when it comes to music and apparently mine wasn't in dangdut. it may be yours or it may be not, neither matters to me.

what matters is, i woke up today and i read this. please read it beforehand.

now have you read?

no way you live in indonesia and haven't heard of via vallen unless you're living inside a cave or under the rock or not being actively exist in social medias like me, but i have heard of her anyway. she's like the new it girl in music industry apparently, like legit her video had trended for a week straight or something in youtube. her songs are everywhere.

now lets just ignore that cringy "you know my name not my story" she wrote. ugh, i just hate wrote that. not trying to shift focus on the real problem here. so the report is about her being harassed through direct message of her social media account. a guy, a soccer player, went message her and being a prick he was (which is an understatement), he's asking for a sign (is ok) in his bedroom (is not ok) while also asking her to wear sexy clothes (also not ok) wear sexy clothes (also not ok) 

my first reaction is: i hope he go screw himself. 

my next reaction is: i hope she told her to go screw himself. 

the rest of conversation you can read on source i linked. 

what makes me wanted to pulled my hair was the reaction of people that saw their exchange  (that she published). now, being me, before i read those comments left by people being negative towards her, i thought,

"no need to hide his identity. expose the harasser." 

apparently some people are disagree. they asked her why would she publish it? is she trying to prove a point that she's being seduced a famous soccer player? is she an attention whore?? its her personal problem we don't care and she should just keep it to herself???? 

those are ignorant. but what makes me finally pulled my hair out were: 

"he's handsome though, so its okay." 

lmao. yes. i bet if you are raped by someone and they're good looking, it is okay. it wasn't like your they're good looking, it is okay. it wasn't like your consent matters. it wasn't like they commited a crime. they're good looking, that's all that matters.

its okay, right? because its happening to other person. that other person is apparently a woman. that woman is apparently a dangdut singer. that dangdut singer is apparently, being stereotyped, is always acting sexy on stage wearing sexy clothes and singing song that probably about sex. so its okay. its not like she is human first above everything else. 



being a kpop nerd, i flew back to august of last year. taeyeon, one of snsd girl group member just came here. landed on jakarta, wearing a cute top crop and a jeans, guarded by her bodyguard, ready to greet her fans at the airport. 

only to be groped by some brainless people. until the point that she's cried. 

i can't believe just yesterday i talked to my friend about it. alot of kpop celebrities are choosing to check out from airport through vvip gate now that the kind incident happened too often. sigh. like one incident is not often enough. 

what i couldn't believe from those days are the moments i read some comments justifying the harassment by basically saying "she should've expect it since she's wearing such sexy outfits at stage" or "she shouldn't wear those in indonesia" or "she should just accept the risk, it's part of her job."

what if people that harassed her should stop doing it? 

seems like an idea? let me put it the other way. 

orang yang nyalahin perempuan ketika dilecehkan adalah orang yang nyalahin rumah ga terkunci yang kecolongan. they're being blinded. the fact that no bulglary will happen if there is no theft, people can accept. but no rape will happen if there is no rapist, hard for them to diggest.


aku adalah orang yang selalu pake celana atau rok lebih panjang dari pada lutut. atau baju dengan lengan yang lebih panjang dari siku. but its not me believing that wearing less or revealing clothes is asking to be harassed or raped. its just me, being ugly. which is the entire different story than this.

other things i believe: that we should just stop, stop, stop victim blaming. there is a reason i expect #metoo movement will not affect indonesian entertainment movement will not affect indonesian entertainment industry by soon. its because of our mentality. which used to be me, may be my parents, maybe you, maybe alot of us.

di atas semuanya: consent matters. konsen itu penting. cuman karena cewek di berita bilang dia dilecehkan sama pacarnya dan orang-orang ga akan peduli sama berita itu karena, dia pacarnya, pasti mereka suka sama suka. no! cuman karena seorang selebriti suka pake rok pendek disentuh-sentuh badannya dan orang-orang akan teriak salah dia sendiri pake baju terbuka. no!

just. let us stop being idiot and start identify the human in us.

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